


Safe Haven (or maybe not)

by FiftyShadesOfKillua



Series: Lost in Wonders [1]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Don't copy to another site, Fluff, Hunter x Hunter BigBang 2020, Mentions of illumi, Starbucks, Swearing, alluka is mute, hxhbb, hxhbb2020, lost in wonders series, phantom troupe, secretive kurapika
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25116808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiftyShadesOfKillua/pseuds/FiftyShadesOfKillua
Summary: Surprisingly enough, that wasn't the last time Killua came over.He wasnt expecting to see texts from Gon, asking if he could distract him from his thoughts.Killua agreed. It became a habit for Killua to expect a text from Gon to come over, so he eventually gave Gon his work schedule.You could say they became best friends, although the way Killua looks at Gon might suggest something more.
Relationships: Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight & Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Mito Freecs, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Series: Lost in Wonders [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1819300
Comments: 7
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! This is my hxhbb fic, and if I’m being completely honest I don’t think it came out too well. But I’m still trying to find out my own writing passion, so please bear with me! There will be a sequel so DONT be surprised when it cuts off suddenly.  
> COMMENTS MOTIVATE ME!!?!! I want your honest to god opinion on this, no matter how stupid or rude it may sound I WANT IT ALL!!  
> ...I hope you enjoy!

Killua walked down the streets, a tight, firm grip holding his sister's hand. A slight tremor flowed through the blue-eyed girl when she saw someone with long, black and sleek-looking hair. The albino glanced down, following the girl's gaze with a chuckle.

The young adolescent glanced at her sibling with a gentle yet worried grin. The younger’s shoulders relaxed once receiving a meager squeeze. “Don’t worry, Alluka,” said Killua, “It’s not him.” His voice was soft and cushioned, reserved only for his beloved sibling. She quietly nodded, stopping shortly and using the hand that dangled by her other side to sign something quickly. 

_ “Thank you _ , _ ” _ Alluka said, jumping up to engulf her brother in a cordial hug. 

“No problem, Alluka.” They continued their walk, stopping every now and then to comment on something the either of them saw; after all, this  _ was _ their first time outside of the Zoldyck estate on their own accord. As Alluka looked at the people, trees, birds, buildings, and everything surrounding them, Killua tried to be vigilant of his surroundings for any noxious threat. Anyone could be a threat to Alluka. He couldn’t let anything happen to her, not to anyone else important to him.

Suddenly, he felt a minuscule tugging at his shirt, snapping him out of his daze to glance down at the confused Alluka.  _ “Are you ok? You keep spacing out, Killua.” _ It took him a second to process what she had just said, laughing once he deciphered the flurry of her fingers.

“Nah, I’m good. Just keeping a lookout…” he drifted off, and Alluka understood exactly what he was watching for.

They had just escaped their ‘home’ around two days ago, leaving behind all their childhood memories, not like they appreciated them much anyway. The trip was long, but Killua had brought just enough cash to get an Uber from the middle of nowhere to the bustling city of Manhattan. He didn’t think he’d come here, of all places; Manhattan was a busy, packed place with enough news reporters to haunt them almost as much as their older brother did. Then why Manhattan?

Killua had pondered why. He didn’t really have a specific reason, except for the fact that his parents always pestered him about jobs from this specific area. There was something here that frightened them enough to keep even  _ Illumi _ from approaching Manhattan if possible. It was the only ‘safe spot’ he could think of, other than Antarctica. 

Knowing his family, they would probably follow him there too.

He didn’t know where they would stay. He hadn’t thought this through; there was a sudden chance to leave and he took it. He didn’t know when another free chance would pass by. His brother had left on a request, his parents attended something that would “determine your fate,” as his mother screeched. Piggy was being a piggy, so he didn’t have to worry about him, and Kalluto was stuck feeding Mike at the time. Gotoh and Canary, bless them, knew that the chance finally came. So they created a commotion that had the butlers, who would normally check up on him at that time, follow all the others instead of what they were instructed to do- it was the situation he had been waiting for!

Alluka stared at him, easily deciphering the inner turmoil dancing in Killua's eyes.  _ “Killua? Look, whatever you choose to do, I know you’re doing your best. Know that I’m here to help you, ok? I don’t want to be a heavyweight.”  _ He looked at her gratefully, nodding his head signaling that he understood. She beamed, her smile making him feel bubbly inside. He couldn’t help but smile back –how couldn’t he, when his sister was so happy by his side?

“For now, we just need a safe place. The problem is…” He frowned. How was he going to find a place? He didn’t think anyone would listen to them. They looked wealthy enough, wearing the clothes that they did. And he couldn’t go around with a fake sob story, and even if he told the truth, there were way too many risks. “Maybe we could sleep in the park? If there is one near? Alluka… get on my back. I’m going to run.” He crouched down to her level, shifting their backpack to his front to make it a comfortable ride. Or at least, the comfiest it could get. Once he felt the pat on his shoulder signaling that she was ready, he stood up and bolted.

Everything was a blur. Being an ex-assassin helped him in one thing: fleeing. He was fast and agile, so moving between the citizens was a piece of cake. He planned on circling around for a bit, looking for anything that remotely resembled a park in his blurred vision. It took a while, but once he found an opening with grass, benches, and trees, he knew he found a place. “Is this ok, Alluka?” He felt her head bob up and down a couple of times against his back, so he walked up to a bench under a tall, branched-out oak tree. He sat her down on it and said, “Lie down on it, but if it gets too uncomfortable just tell me.” He took his scarf and made something to act as a cushion, handing it to Alluka who understood to use it as a pillow. 

_ “Thank you, Killua,” _ she said, giving Killua a quick peck on the cheek before settling on the comfiest position the bench would allow, then drifted into a deep slumber. Killua hadn’t planned on sleeping, he had too much on his mind to even think of that. However, as soon as he leaned against the tree trunk (of course, facing Alluka), his eyelids failed him.

______________________________________________________________________

“Mmm…” as his eyes fluttered open, Killua squinted them again when greeted by the sun that managed to slip through all the leaves above. For a second he didn’t recognize where he was, and why his spine ached so much, but the second he saw Alluka sprawled all over the bench he remembered.  _ Oh yea, we ran away. _

Seeing Alluka so peaceful brought a smile to his face. He sighed, and for the first time in his life, he felt  _ calm. _ He didn’t feel the little tinge of fear he always had when he came home from a mission; even if he did those perfectly, he would still have to endure some torture sessions with Milluki. He didn’t exactly have the chance to look around at night, so he took his new-found energy as a chance to finally take in his surroundings. 

“It looks so… beautiful.” The mountain he lived in had a pretty high altitude, so he couldn't see the animals that you would normally see in a park like this one. He rubbed his back, stretched, and ventured around a bit- not far enough that he couldn't see Alluka, of course. He saw people walking their dogs (and in one instance, a cat), a highschooler painting, a woman on her phone, families with their children, and things that left him speechless. 

Even with all the missions, he never really took his time to look around. He only focused on his prey and their location. You could say he was just as new to the world as Alluka was. “Wow…”

“First time in the city?” someone from behind him asked. Killua jumped, questioning why his senses didn’t notice the source of the voice from before.

“U-um, yea.” He turned around to see a teenager around his age with blonde, braided hair, wearing black sweatpants and a bulky jacket that hid his figure. “Are you a resident here?”

“Yep, I’m used to all of this. You don’t have parks where you live?”

“Nah, guess the architects got lazy. There weren't many kids anyway.” 

“How long do you plan on staying?”

Killua shrugs and says, “Until I plan on leaving.” 

The blond laughs at this, and with a wide smile, gives Killua his hand and says, “I like you. Kurapika, yours?”

Killua smiles shyly, but takes his hand while thinking that this just might be his first step to making a new home. “Killua.”

______________________________________________________________________

“Hey, I think your sister’s waking up.” Kurapika pointed to the girl behind Killua who indeed began stirring in her makeshift bed. 

“Alluka! Over here,” Killua yelled when he noticed his sister looking around in panic. Her eyes darted to the familiar sound, quickly getting up to greet the new person beside her beloved brother. “As I told you, this is my sister, Alluka. Now that she's awake I should probably let her introduce herself,” he gestured to his sister and continued, “She’s, um, she’s mute, so I will translate for her.”

“She knows ASL? If that’s the case, I can communicate perfectly fine with her.”

And that was the start of a friendship Killua never wanted to happen.

_ “My brother is so soft and nice, even if he acts cocky towards others. He’s really clumsy too but is good at making last-second moves that make it look natural! My Brother is amazing!” _ Killua watched as the two talked about him, Alluka eagerly feeding Kurapika with facts about him. He groaned, walking away so he was both out of sight and earshot. He didn’t want to catch anything embarrassing.

He turned to Kurapika calling his name, his sister twiddling her fingers and glancing at him.  _ Oh no, what did she do now. _

“Coming!” He fast-walked towards them, obviously anticipating something bad or embarrassing to be said. “What? Why does Alluka look like she's going to tell me she's pregnant?” She gave him a look of indignation, but he just waved her off in favor of listening to Kurapika.

“You can stay over at my apartment. Alluka didn’t give me specifics about your situation, but she did say you guys didn’t have a place to stay.”

“Of course she did.”

“Hey hey, don’t blame her. I’m the one who asked… so, how about it? You up to hanging around in my apartment?” Killua looked at him skeptically, not understanding why he would offer his place to two nearly-complete strangers. 

“...Why would you offer your own apartment..?” He asked tentatively, eying Kurapika as if staring at him would reveal what he really was, what his true intentions were. 

“I’m an empathetic person with extra space, besides, why not?” He pondered the thought. People here seemed much more friendly than what his brother pounded into his head- a living example right in front of him.  _ Besides, how could he know my family? I know practically everyone associated with them… _

“Really? You have enough space, money?” He was a little hopeful, his sister wouldn’t have to cope with the cold benches as a bed for as long as he thought she might have. “We wouldn’t be a drag?”

“Well, I can’t guarantee the drag part, but sure, I have too much money on my hands than I would like to admit,” the other joked, earning a smile from Killua, who eagerly nodded his head.

“Thank you! …I will make it up to you, Kurapika.”

______________________________________________________________________________

Kurapika’s apartment was on the 5th floor, room 53. It wasn’t as small as he imagined it to be; it had a capacious kitchen which was separated by a wall that didn’t end at the other side- there was a hallway that tunneled through. He guessed it led to the bathroom and Kurapika’s bedroom. The living room was cozy, a kotatsu sitting by the window on the right, and next to it on its left side was a small, dim lamp.  _ Probably for work, judging by how all those papers are splayed over it… _

On the wall separating Kurapika’s other half of the apartment was a desk with a laptop and many small boxes and cups, the cups holding different varieties of writing utensils. He walked through the hallway, entering the first room to his left. It was Kurapika’s bedroom, as he first guessed. The bed didn't have a frame- it was just two mattresses piled on top of each other with a bedsheet, pollow, and orange fluffy blanket. 

“I can remove one of the mattresses to clean it. I hope you two don’t mind sleeping next to each other?”

“No, we’re used to it.” Killua looked at his sister just to make sure she was fine with it, and when she nodded a yes he looked back at Kurapika with a smile. “Thanks, I will try not to be too dependent on you. I can go job hunting tomorrow…” 

“That’s probably a good idea. Are you going to go online searching or just venture around the city?”

“Probably online, unless you already know of a place,” Killua asked. Kurapika looked up seemingly in thought, humming along with the process.

“There  _ was _ a Starbucks somewhere near the park you slept at. They were looking for people around eighteen years old. How old are you?”

“Seventeen. Would they still accept me? I’m technically a minor.”

“I would be surprised if they  _ didn’t _ . I bet most of their workers are sixteen to your age, and maybe a little older.” Killua hummed, turning to exit Kurapika’s room and enter the one facing it on the other wall. “That’s your room,” Kurapika told him as he entered and gave him a questioning look. 

The room was a little bigger than Kurapika’s. Or maybe it was because it was painted a lighter color, whereas Kurapika’s room had navy-blue walls. The room was practically empty except for the built-in closet and desk right by the door. It was also carpeted with a light beige that felt soft under Killua’s bare feet. “Well, let's get the mattress in here, shall we?”, said Kurapika.

The mattress-moving was not easy. One would have to lift the mattress on top (Kurapika) and drag or push the one residing below (Killua). When they finally separated them, the two flipped it so it was lying on its side and pushed it through the door. It barely fit, but they were relieved that they wouldn't end up with a broken door frame. The only thing that pissed Killua off was how Alluka was determined  _ not _ to help with the laborious work, instead making weird moves of encouragement and mouthing  _ “you can do it,” _ because her hands were too occupied with pumping themselves into the air.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HA I almost forgot but I DIDNT  
> I also found out abt this cool setting where I can just select a date for each chapter to get posted  
> ao3 is genius   
> now if only there were dms-

When the next day came by, Killua borrowed a pair of black ripped-jeans and a white hoodie with a blue stripe across the chest from Kurapika and set out with him to Starbucks. It was a longer walk than Killua had originally thought; Kurapika  _ had _ said it was close to the park. Now Killua knew not to trust Kurapika's sense of distance. "How much longer?"

"Five minutes."

"You said five minutes five minutes ago."

"Ya know, for a seventeen year old you're pretty childish."

"Better get used to it, this boy's living with you for god knows how long."

"I'm starting to hate my empathy."

At that Killua laughed, smiling widely and thinking  _ the only one I could actually act like this in front of was Alluka… _

"Ah, we're here. Good luck."

"Wait, you aren't coming?"

"You think I'm a free man? I have a job too. I only agreed to taking you here."

"Oh. Ok… Whatever. See you later?"

Kurapika nodded his head and set off with a wave. Killua watched as he walked down the road, a black car driving up and stopping at where Kurapika stood.

_ Well that was interesting _ , Killua thought. He inhaled deeply, exhaled, then pushed open the doors like he would be greeted with applause and fanfare. He walked up to the front counter, and before the person behind it could ask what he would like to order, he said, "I'm looking for a job, and I heard from a friend that you are hiring?"

"Oh! Um, yes. This way."

Killua watched as the woman with the name (as he saw on the nametag pinned to her shirt) Palm pointed to the little swinging gate on the far right. Killua pushed through it and followed Palm as she walked behind a bunch of machines and other guys seemingly his age rushing around. When they finally reached a door that didn't say restroom, she turned and said "Just knock on the door before entering."

______________________________________________________________________________

Killua walked out of the room smiling, chanting in his head  _ I did it! _ and pushed through the gateway and out the door. He would start tomorrow, just to test out how 'charming' and 'welcoming' he would be. He hummed all the way back to Kurapika's apartment building, thinking about how he would tell Alluka how well everything went with vigor.

He entered the room with a loud "I'm back," watching as Alluka peeked her head from their shared room with a book in hand. She waved and disappeared back into their room, but Killua wouldn't let her get away with the joy of her book just yet. "Hey! I've got news!"

At this Alluka walked out the room without the book in her hand and said, " _ What, Killua? Are you pregnant? _ "

"Hey, watch it… I got the job! I think. I'm trying out tomorrow." His eyes softened as he watched Alluka do a little dance like she was the one who went through that, hugged Killua, and gave him a little peck on the cheek.

" _ Congratulations, Killua! _ " Killua walked up to the fridge and pulled out a tub of chocolate ice cream. He snickered at the thought of Kurapika coming back to him inhaling his ice cream.

_ Oh well, Kurapika said he wasn't much of a fan of chocolate anyways. I'm doing him a favor! _ Was what went through Killua's head as he continued to scarf down the chocolate.

Alluka shoved Killua's face to the side just as he opened his mouth to take in a spoon of chocolate delight, taking her chance to eat it instead, and made a motion of mischievous snickering when Killua gave her a look of annoyance and surprise. He set down the ice cream on the kotatsu with his own mischievous sneer, making Alluka jump up with a silent laugh as Killua tickled her to oblivion.

"That's what you get for stealing my ice cream!" Alluka kept tapping his shoulder, obviously wanting to say something but couldn't because she was still high off endorphins.

He let her take a breath, and she finally replied, " _ You're doing the stealing, Killua. That's Kurapika's ice cream! _ " It took a second for him to understand that the 'k' and 'p' she signed meant Kurapika, but once he did, he huffed and mumbled something about the world not always being fair.

The door opening and closing was what interrupted their bickering, and when Kurapika entered the living room, he startled when he saw Killua and Alluka sitting there. He then put a hand on his chest and exhaled, looked accusingly at the two then said, "You two scared the living crap out of me. I forgot you live here now."

"Thats your own fault," Killua replied smugly, but once Kurapika caught sight of the chocolate ice cream, he began fuming and looked at Killua with rage. "That was a  _ present _ from someone," he seethed.

"HOW WAS  _ I _ SUPPOSED TO KNOW!" Killua yelled, instantly feeling threatened (he couldn't let his dear chocolate get taken away), throwing his hands up like the accusation would send him to court. The fact that his voice absolutely _ dripped _ with sarcasm was what pissed Kurapika off even more.

"I put a sticky note on it, are you  _ blind _ ?!" At the mention of a sticky note, Killua looked at the lid to see there was indeed a dark red note with writing in caps that said:  _ DON'T EAT. IS PRESENT. WILL MURDER. _

"Oh. Um, sorry?"

"Sorry. Won't. CUT IT!"

"WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT ANYWAYS!"

"I-" Kurapika cut off and looked away before Killua could notice the blush on his face, but he had already seen it and began cracking up.

"What, di- did some  _ girl _ give it to you!?"

"No! It wasn't some  _ girl _ !"

"Oooooh, I see rainbows flying!"

"SH-SHUT UP!"

"I'm gonna keep pestering you about this," he glanced at the sparkling eyes that were his sisters, "and so is my sister~"

"I am perfectly capable of kicking you out."

"But you won't, you are too empathetic for your own good."

Killua narrowly dodged the fork thrown his way.

______________________________________________________________________________

"I'm leaving! Take care of Alluka for me!"

"No promises, after what happened yesterday."

"Mmmhm, see ya." Killua slipped on his shoes and left the building excited and bubbly. This was the start of a new life! No Illumi to ruin his day!

When he finally arrived, Palm was already there watching as he came in like the star of the show. "I see you didn't chicken out."

"Har har. Where do I get… whatever you are wearing?"

"It's called an  _ apron _ , I'm surprised you don't know as much. It's in the back, next to the freezer. We passed by it yesterday, remember?"

"Yea, I think." Once he got ready, he stood where Palm gestured.

"Remember what we went over yesterday? No snarky comments? No idiocy and hostility towards customers no matter the relationship?"

"Yea, yea. I remember." And Killua set to work.

The day was long, but he enjoyed getting to know the regulars, and laughed when people pointed out that he was new. He found that he liked the job, he could converse with people willing to when they were ordering, cracked jokes, even had them say that they would be back. Everyone was used to starting conversations, it wasn't weird at all when he started one. He found it hilarious how many people thought his hair was bleached, and how shocked they looked when they found out it wasn't.

A little girl asked to touch it, and he smiled sweetly thinking instantly of Alluka and how much she loved to play with it as a kid. The father apologised, but he shook his head and said it was fine if she really wanted to. So the man carried the girl from under her armpits, and he laughed when she squealed, "It's so fluffy!"

He came home every night smiling, thinking of how amazing this would be if it lasted for a long time. But as much as he hated it, he couldn't stop thinking… Even if he enjoyed his time now, all of this would have to come to an end some day.  _ That's just how it was with people like me _ , he reasoned.

Who knew? Maybe Killua was right.

______________________________________________________________________________

Killua walked into Starbucks a week later, his eyes darting to the left next to the window.  _ Just as I thought, he's here today too _ . There was a boy, who was his age (Palm had told him) named Gon. He came everyday on Killua's shift looking depressed and gloomy, often receiving looks of pity from some of his colleagues and customers, others just giving him looks of confusion. Killua was one of those, and as much as he wanted to ask why so many people looked sad at his obvious moping, he couldn't bring himself to.

He caught Palm the other day clasping Gon's hand in both hers when he handed her the cash for whatever he bought. She leaned in with eyes soft and calming and said, "Gon, please, we're all here for a  _ reason _ . Even if you aren't ready to talk about it now, we all want you to know that all of us are your friends because we  _ care _ about you, ok?" Gon looked up, giving her a grateful look.

"Thanks… It's just been really hard, you know? It's hard not to think about… it." Palm nodded her head as if she understood everything, and she probably did. She patted his hand, released it, and Gon left Starbucks that day a little more happy than when he came.

Killua had come back today with the intention of asking Palm what was wrong, but she just brushed him off replying instead with, "If you want to know that bad, go talk to him! He's a really kind person. I'm sure you would come to appreciate him."

So Killua decided he would talk to him tomorrow. He didn't have a shift that day, so he would have enough time to get to know him, he hoped.

Gon didn't come the next day.

Killua tried not to think much of it, he obviously didn't have to come  _ every _ day. But he stayed just in case Gon decided to come later than usual. The next couple of days were full of  _ GonGonGonGonGon _ until he came a week later with red puffy eyes.

"Gon!" Palm instantly rushed to his side, leaving behind the man who was just about to order something. Killua rushed to take the man's order, apologizing for Palm. He kept his attention mostly on what Gon was saying.

"P-Palm, sh-she's  _ dead _ . I d-don't know what t-to do I c-can't even a-afford the b-burial a-and she's  _ gone _ Palm, she's  _ gone _ …" Gon broke down as Palm hugged him. They didn't even seem to care that they were  _ in the middle of Starbucks. _

Killua felt like he had to do something. He quickly made the man's order and rushed to one of his friends to take over for him. He didn't spare the guy the chance to refuse when he ran to Palm, finally noticing she was crying too. "Palm! Gon, are you two ok?"

Palm looked up with sad eyes, lips wobbling, and shook her head. " _ I _ shouldn't e-even be crying-"

"Sh-she was important t-to all of us, y-you have all the right to c-cry Palm." Gon whispered between sobs, burying his face further inter the crook of her neck. She patted his back, and pulled him towards the door.

"Killua, can you call an Uber? I can type in the directions…" Killua whipped out his phone, eyeing Gon with a worried look.

"The closest Uber is… two minutes away." He looked up and handed her his phone, "Here. Do you mind… If I come too?"

"Yea, please do we need the h-help." Palm looked at Gon and said, "He's a good f-friend, Gon."

"Ok," he muttered, still looking miserable. When Killua saw his eyes, the emptiness in them, his chest felt a sudden pang when he remembered how  _ he  _ had felt.

"Gon… I don't know what happened, who died, but you are clearly treasured by Palm, and I can't imagine how much more by everyone else. You aren't…  _ alone _ in this, ok? You don't have to cope by yourself." Gon just silently nodded.

The Uber came, and Killua asked just to make sure, "You are List, right?"

"Yep! Please co- Gon!" The boy looked happy when he spotted Gon, but when he noticed his state he paled. "Gon? Palm, what happened?"

"She… she didn't make it, List." List's emerald eyes darkened, his eyebrows furrowed and knuckles white around the driver's wheel.

"Oh… that… When is the funeral?"

"I don't kn-know, I just found out."

"Palm… c-can we go to my h-house?" Gon asked, looking at Palm.

"Y-yea. List, you remember the way?"

"Mmhm. Get in."

Gon sat in the middle, and Palm sat behind List as Killua got in last. He wanted to comfort Gon, he knew losing someone important is hard, and he wants Gon to know that even strangers will go out of their ways to help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *coughs obnoxiously*  
> so  
> im (trying) to make a discord server (an idea from a fellow comrade haha) for people who can bear reading my shit  
> so  
> if anyone is actually experienced in this field, like, I cant do all those commands to save LIVES so...  
> if ya CAN help, if ur WILLING to help, if ur ECSTATIC to lend a hand, then just dm me at Gonnie Beanie#6426 on discord  
> ...you can dm me for any other reason too LOL, im online for at most 4 hours a day :D  
> thanks for reading <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author is ashamed of herself u-u  
> SORRY IT COMPLETELY SLIPPED MY MIND TO UPDATEIEFUGF heres the chapter iwejhffr

When they reached Gon’s house, Killua texted Alluka and Kurapika that he would be late because of an emergency. Kurapika didn’t reply, but Alluka responded almost instantly.

**Sassy Koala:** Hey I’m going to be late emergency

**Mute but Brute:** Kk text me when ur done

**Sassy Koala:** Yea ofc I might take a while tho

Killua waited for a reply, but after receiving none, he just pocketed his phone and watched as Gon fumbled with the keys in his trembling hands. He put his hand on Gons, taking the key that was obviously for the house and inserted it in the key hole. He handed the keys back to Gon who slipped it into his shirt pocket and walked behind Killua. Killua turned back to Gon and asked, “Do you want to talk about it? Let anything off your chest?”

“I-... I don’t kn-now…” 

“You can tell us anything, Gon. We aren’t here to judge,” Palm added, giving him a hug that brought tears to his eyes.”

“Then… can we sit d-down for a bit?” Killua and Palm nodded just when Killuas phone started ringing. He looked apologetically, and turned away to check who had decided to call at this unholy time. 

“Hello?”

“Killua? Why aren’t you at starbucks?”

“Pika, I texted you and Alluka that I have an emergency. Can’t you just check our texts?”

“I turned off notifications.”

“Well  _ turn them on _ ! I have a bit of an emergency, so I can’t talk now. I can get home just fine.” 

“Ok, just text me when you are outside, I don’t want to think someone is breaking in.”

“Sure.”

“And don’t call me Pika.”

“Sure, KuraPIKA!” and with that, Killua ended the call. 

Palm looked at Killua who shut down his phone with a smirk, but it fell once he remembered where he was. “Was that Kurapika?”

“Oh, you know him?”

“Yea…” She drifted off with a far look in her eyes, and Killua thought if Palm knew  _ too _ much. “He was a friend.”

“Was?” Palm shook her head. 

“Th-that's a story for another time. Right now…” She looked at Gon who was staring at a picture of a tall woman with bright auburn hair. Her eyes seemed to twinkle even in frozen time. She was hugging a boy who was definitely Gon as a kid, and Killua noticed the same smile that was wide on their faces. 

“I already miss her,” whispered Gon, closing his eyes as if it hurt to look at the picture. 

“That’s his aunt, M-Mito… she was Gon’s caretak-”

“Mom. She was my mom.” Palm’s eyes began to water again as she nodded solemnly.

“She was a wonderful mother, she worked hard for Gon and… and everyone around her. She worked w-way too hard.” She looked down as her tears dripped to the floor. 

Gon’s eyes were dull as he stared again at the picture. He walked up to it to wipe some collecting dust and set it back down, hand lingering for a moment before he turned back to Killua. “She got some sort of flesh-eating  _ bug _ . The doctors… They said the treatment would be too much for us to pay. I-” He cut off with a sob, covering his mouth as tears pooled out of his eyes. “I j-just ended up p-prolonging her suffering…” he turned away again, shaking.

“G-Gon… It’s ok, she was a good person, she's probably in a better place getting the care she deser-” Killua was cut off.

“Don’t talk like you know everything!” Gon looked at him with hopeless rage. “Don’t talk as if you knew her! She didn’t want to go! Sh-she didn’t want to leave us! She didn’t… she didn’t  _ d-deserve _ how she d-died…”

Palm’s ringtone interrupted, and she pulled it out with a noticeably irritated face. Once she read the phone number, she groaned and answered the call. “Y-yes Bisky?” 

Even Killua could hear his boss from the other side of the room.

“WHY DID YOU LEAVE!”

“It was a-”

“I don’t care WHAT the HELL it was, but you need to come here RIGHT THIS SECOND! We have too  _ many _ customers and too  _ little _ employees!”

“... _ A-alright _ , I’m coming…”

“Good! Now you had better make it quick or else you are going to see it in your paycheck.” Palm ended the call with a moan in distress, looking at Killua with wet, bleary eyes.

“Can you stay here with Gon?”

“I can go back and explain, you don’t have to go.”

“But I  _ do _ . You’re new, Bisky wouldn't care as much if you weren’t there. She’s going to  _ blow _ if I miss another day again.”

“Ok…” He glanced at Gon nervously.  _ What should I say to him? _

“Ask Kurapika if he’s done yet for me.”

“Done with what?”

“He’ll know,” she turned to Gon, “Bye, Gon. Give me a call if you ever need someone over for anything at all.” Gon nodded, and when Palm left, Killua stood in silence.

“So… Do you, um, want to talk about anything else?” He mentally slapped himself.  _ Of course  _ he didn’t want to-

“Actually… c-can I?”

“Uhm, yea, sure.”  _ That worked oh my god _ , Killua’s head ran with thoughts of how he could make the situation less awkward for the two of them. Or maybe it was just him.

The next hour and a half was just Gon ranting to Killua about his financial struggles, and how Mito had seemed to overexert herself to be able to pay rent. He worked too, but he was fired when he started falling asleep (he too started to overexert himself when Mito got weakened). The pain was very sudden, but he was confused because Mito worked in a somewhat secluded area. She was taken to the hospital only an hour after, but the weird thing was that the bug had taken much longer than it should have to kill her, as the doctors said. 

He had random bursts of tears resulting in him burying his face into Killua’s shirt (he honestly didn’t mind), but when he finally finished he leaned against Killua’s shoulder and asked, “Did… Did you ever lose someone p-precious?” He sniffled a little before looking up at Killua when he tensed.

“I… I did, but I don’t really like to talk about it. Plus, this is about you right now. Do you want soup? I could try to order something to eat if you’re hungry.”

“That would be nice, th-thank you.” Killua pulled out his phone to search up the closest restaurant, but not before he pulled up his contacts and texted Alluka and Kurapika.

**Sassy Koala:** I probs won’t be coming back today, will explain later

**Mute but Brute:** Ok!! Take care and don’t do drugs

**Sassy Koala:** Don’t worry abs that bb

*abt

**PikaPika MTF:** Ok, took note of that. Whoever changed my name will suffer.

**_Mute but Brute_ ** **is typing…**

Killua disabled notifications and switched to Safari, searching up ‘nearest restaurants to me’. “What do you want to eat?”

“Is there anything vegetarian?”

“Um… there’s mushroom soup.”

“That's fine.”

______________________________________________________________________________

“Mmm…” Killua woke up in Gon’s bed, last night full of cuddling and back-patting, as Gon requested. He glanced down at the worn out look Gon had, who had cried again before he fell asleep on Killua’s shoulder.  _ If that wasn’t bonding time, I don’t know what was,  _ Killua thought before lightly stepping out of the warm bed. He decided he could make breakfast for him so he wouldn’t have to over exert himself. 

“...Killua..?”

“I’m in the kitchen, was about to make breakfast. Is there anything you prefer?”

“No…” Killua nodded his head as if Gon could see him. After making breakfast, he called Gon over from his bedroom. Gon trudged over with a blank look, ate with a blank appetite, and overall just looked so  _ blank _ . 

“Hey, how are ya holding up?” He rested his hand on Gon’s shoulder who just grunted and continued eating.

“...I’m fine,” He finally mumbled. Once he finished eating he stood up and all but hurried to his room, but stopped momentarily to tell Killua, “You can go now, I’m ok… and um, thanks.”

“Y-yea, no problem.” He rubbed his neck nervously as Gon shut the door with a click.  _ Well, I better get going… _

Surprisingly enough, that wasn’t the last time Killua came over.

He was surprised to see a text from Gon the next day, who seemingly got his number from Palm, that asked if he could come over. Of course, Killua agreed. It became a habit for Killua to expect a text from Gon saying come over, so he eventually gave Gon his work schedule. 

You could say they became best friends, although the way Killua looks at Gon might suggest something more.

______________________________________________________________________________

Killua scrolled through the texts he missed, obvious banter between Alluka and Kurapika that proved amusing. He shot a quick text that he was coming back and called an Uber over. 

“I’m back!” He opened the door only to be greeted by Alluka shoving her way into Killua’s body. 

Once she let go she quickly said, “ _ I missed you! _ ” and hugged him again.

“Whoa! It's just been a day, Luka, Jesus… But yea, I missed you too.” He patted her head as she nuzzled into his chest, then pulled him over to the kotatsu.

“ _ So! What happened. _ ” She looked at Killua as if all the secrets of the world were stored inside the story, but he happily obliged with explaining why he had stayed back.

Kurapika walked up to them, looking as if he just woke up.  _ Come to think of it, he had always come back home really late, if not at all. _ Killua glanced to his side where Kurapika stood as he nodded.

“Palm asked if you are done, again.”

“Well, tell her I said no,  _ again _ .”

“What  _ is _ this all about anyways? Palm said you guys  _ were _ friends.”

“I never took you as a guy to pry into a guys business.”

“You’re avoiding the question.”

“This is something I don’t need nor have to answer. I’m going back to bed.” Kurapika turned swiftly to his room, and for the millionth time Killua wondered if he should really trust Kurapika.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can scream at me to update on discord Gonnie Beanie#6426  
> or like, anywhere else (im basically FiftyShadesOfKillua everywhere, so.)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DIDNT FORGET HAHA  
> Well this chapter is more Kurapika centric but well its important so meh

Kurapika climbed into the sleek, black car after dropping Killua off at Starbucks again. This time he noticed how Killua narrowed his eyes and lingered at the sidewalk as he followed the car’s movement until it left his sight. Kurapkia sighed in relief.  _ I can’t have anyone else suspicious… _

“Kura, is he following you?” The man at the wheel glanced at Kurapika who shook his head.

“No, Feitan. It might just be the fight we had yesterday,” he lied. If they realized how many of his friends had caught on what he worked as, they would have fired him a long time ago. “Where are we headed today?”

“The boss decided today would be a break-in, he didn’t give us complete details yet. It won’t include all of us.” Kurapika hummed and turned to face out the tinted window as the streets passed by, soon along with the whole city. They rode up to a tall, eerie building just outside Manhattan. “He wants you and three others to meet at the office on the fourth floor today. Make sure to be there in 30 minutes.”

Kurapika walked out of the car when Feitan pulled up to the underground parking lot. He quickly thanked Feitan who just nodded, kicked his feet up against the wheel, and pulled out a book- very unlike Feitan, who would do anything to stay away from any sort of book.  _ Probably the Boss’s doing. _

The next 30 minutes was Kurapika waiting patiently in his assigned office, going over a paper left at his desk- a list of potential threats to the Phantom Troupe. Many random names were crossed off of the list, and Kurapika’s heart clenched at one of the names he recognised. He looked down and made a silent prayer. Even though he didn’t really believe in these things, he felt as if he at least owed her that much.

_ Mito, I’m so sorry, please know that I plan on being the subject of the Phantom Troupe's downfall… I promise to take care of Gon after all of this. _ He sighed. “I’m not good at these kinds of things…” He mumbled. A glance at his watch had him standing up to make his way to the meeting.

Kurapika was the first one, so he sat patiently at the far left on the front row, watching as his colleagues streamed in one by one, none of them speaking to the other until a big burly man walked in with a big smile. It wasn’t exactly friendly, it had more of an evil twist to it, as if he knew they were going to go for the kill that day. “Uvo, you can calm down. We are not killing today, it is just a break in.” Kurapika glared at Uvogin who was obviously about to holler about how he was going to smash someone's brains in, but he deflated and grumbled while he took the seat farthest from Kurapika. Phinks snickered.

Everyone went silent as Chrollo Lucifer walked in.

“Well, I see that Hisoka isn’t here… as usual.” He looked around and nodded his head, handing out papers to Shizuku to pass out. “As I hinted before, today is going to be a break-in. The Zoldyck family requested us to infiltrate the Chimera, they didn’t specify why exactly but they agreed to send in one of their son’s to assist in the break-in. We need to grab a hold of a file they stole with information about Killua Zoldyck.”

Kurapika’s eyes widened.  _ Killua? He’s a Zoldyck? _ His expression quickly went back to normal.  _ I can’t let them know I know him… If it's even the same Killua. _ Chrollo continued with details that would determine their positions and movements, what they should do if they bumped into anyone, and a plan if something went wrong.

They set off an hour later.

The whole operation was weird with a doll-like man executing everything with them- he was somewhat regal, and he carried an air of power that made most of the troupe stay at a distance. The only one who didn’t seem to mind was Hisoka, who came late to the meeting. He kept looking at  _ Illumi Zoldyck _ with a weird smile. When Illumi finally looked at Hisoka, he stared him down, probably thinking it would deter Hisoka.  _ He doesn't realize Hisoka is a creep, _ Kurapika scoffs mentally, paying attention to the task at hand.

The whole thing went well, almost no one was in the building except the occasional guard. Kurapika went over his role over in his head.  _ Stand by until Shalnarak contacts you with a room number. Retreat if anyone else texts  _ found _ or calls in the group chat.  _ **_Stay hidden_ ** _.  _

It was simple- he wasn’t doing much of the hard work, he just had to retrieve the file while Shalnarak infiltrated their security system. He would delete their digital file, and Kurapika would retrieve the paper file. Shizuku would knock out any guards that spotted them and would unlock any doors and locks. Illumi and Hisoka were there for any complications in case the guards were able to contact any others.

His phone buzzed, a text from  _ SHK _ with a floor and room number.  _ “Time.”  _ he signed to Illumi and Hisoka who nodded, and followed him silently while they hurried to the designated area. Shizuku trailed behind them at a slower pace, making sure no guards had heard them. In a couple of minutes they were standing at the door, and Shizuku picked with the lock until a faint  _ click _ was heard. She nudged Kurapika who silently slipped into the room with Shizuku, who stood at the door and peeked outside in case Hisoka or Illumi signaled that someone was coming.

Kurapika finds the drawers unlocked, pulls each of them open in a quick search for a folder named anything remotely similar to Killua’s name. What he finds instead has him nearly choking. 

There was a file named  _ Spiders _ next to what was obviously Killua’s. He pulled out both, quickly went over Killua’s to confirm it was his, and peeked at the second file. The first name on it was Hisoka’s. 

_ I… I found  _ just  _ what I needed. _ He stuffs the files in his bag, making sure he knew which one was which, and quickly ran out of the door with Shizuku infront of him. He texted Shalnark  _ done _ , pocketed his phone, and smiled inwardly at himself.

_ I can finally win this! _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pretty sure this is the shortest chapter, but well yall have just two more chapters until THIS part is finished… as i said before, this is having a _sequel_  
>  so dont freak when it ends suddenly xD


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GonKilluLuciel helped me with this chapter

Upon finally attaining what he desired, Kurapika was very close to cutting off his ties with the Phantom Troupe,  _ permanently _ . And now, he knew he had to go straight to Gon’s apartment. Although they weren’t on good terms with each other anymore, Kurapika wanted to check on him and maybe manage to give him information on Mito’s death.  _ He deserves to know, and I’m the only one who can tell him _ . Adrenaline was shooting throughout his veins like a truck accelerating over the speed limit. After giving Killua’s file to Illumi, making sure not to expose the other stolen file in his bag, he immediately hopped in the empty car and drove towards Gon’s apartment. 

He drove eagerly, heading towards the decent apartment building that Gon lives in. Passing by Starbuck and resuming forward, around a mile or less, he finally reached the building that was once full of beaming faces- but now all of them were mourning over the very same reason. The person that held their happiness finally left them, throwing them into an ocean of sorrows. Even though the neighbors are just neighbors, Mito was kind enough to grow herself a reputation that even reached a few buildings ahead. 

He unmounted the car, shut the door with a reasonable force then stared longingly at the silent building before him. Straightening his suit, he inhaled and took a step forward. Weight was added on him, pressuring his soul, with each step. He was scared, he knew Gon would be devastated, but the last time he recalled seeing him was before anything happened to Mito. He didn’t want to see his case  _ now _ . Upon standing in front of the gates of the building, a wave of agony and morose agitation splashed cut through him.  _ Would Gon even let me in? _ He was very fond of Gon, he brought him out of his own little hellhole just enough to help him think reasonably. He hated seeing Gon sad or angry.

Subsequently, he didn’t give even a moment to go through the Spiders’ file yet, but he knew that he had to focus on what matters the most at the moment. Standing face to face with Gon’s door, he forced his thumb on the doorbell connected to a buzzer to alert the person residing inside. On the other side, Gon hurried over and peeked through the peeping hole and saw the grim look of the known blonde in his district. They weren’t quite in the same area but Gon always knew that Kurapika worked with the Spiders. 

The ruthless Spiders that always meant to harm and hurt others. Chewing on his lip nervously, Gon blankly stared at Kurapika clicking on the button again to make it buzz irritatingly. He doesn’t want to be face to face with one of those ruthless, filthy-handed, gangs…  _ never _ . Once he made up his mind, he turned away, ready to walk back and lock Mito’s room with himself inside. To get under Mito’s covers and weep. To be alone. Nevertheless, the blonde didn’t let that happen. As if he knew Gon was still standing there, he called out, “Please, open the door.” 

Gon stood still in his tracks again, his back facing the door, slumped down and looking at his bare feet in silence. He was waiting for any reason Kurapika had to want him to open the door, but was only met with an ominous silence. He still missed Kurapika dearly, even if he  _ did _ work with the Spiders’ After waiting for another second, he moved his feet forward to go back to Mito’s room but was met again with a grave tone muffled outside his front door.“I know why Mito got that bug.”

Without hesitating at all, Gon harshly threw the door open. He stared at the gray-eyed man. Gon stepped aside for Kurapika to come in. The latter took sharp and soundless steps inside, and instantly took note that Gon must have not cleaned the place since Mito died. Gon was obviously trying to keep what was left of her.

Making himself comfortable on the nearby couch, Kurapika turned to look at the noticeably piercing gaze from Gon who was staring at him, the door still opened with Gon still standing his ground as if getting ready for a fight. “I’m ready to speak with you about what you want to know, so  _ please  _ stop being so cautious and shut the door.” Momentarily breaking the stare, Kurapika sighed as if trying to calm his own beating heart down. As if on cue, Gon shut the door agitatedly, still wearing his blank expression. 

His eyes were obviously swollen from lots of crying, his hair was matted, the visible and hidden knots mirrored his misery. He took threatening steps towards Kurapika before sitting in front of him. His mind was vacant, although his brain was a semblance of how much he thought of the beautiful and sad memories of his  _ mom _ . For a moment, they sat silently, reluctant to voice any word still despite the watchful and interpretive eye of Kurapika. 

Finally building the courage to speak, Kurapika gave a stern, knowing look, signaling to Gon that he would start speaking. Kurapika’s lips were moving, up and down, gritting and forming, pressing and unpressing. He was explaining everything about how Mito received the bug. Gon’s vision was catching the movement of the lips before processing the vibrations in his ears. Was it due to shock? Or was it due to the evident corruption in his brain? He didn’t know. All he knew at that moment was that he was way too shocked to react. 

He could feel his veins boiling in  _ searing _ anger when Kurapika started explaining how he felt sorry about what happened. Gon didn’t wait for him to finish. He didn’t  _ care  _ anymore. All he could think about was the fact that  _ the man standing in front of him  _ **_took part in Mito’s death_ ** .  _ Why? _ He stood up harshly, eyes filled with raging tears, teeth were chattering and veins were popping because of Gon’s flexing fists on each side of him. Tears ran down his red face like water cascading from a waterfall; unstoppable. Sobbing angrily and shooting a glare full of hatred at Kurapika who silently looked down and  _ waited _ for the hate he deserved.  _ I deserve this. I deserve this for working with them. _

“WHY! WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP THEM! TELL ME! DID YOU EVEN  _ THINK  _ ABOUT STOPPING THEM!? YOU AND YOUR STUPID ASSHOLE!” Kurapika felt as if the walls were crumbling from the overwhelming fear of Gon’s high-pitched wails. He remained silent, talking now would make it worse. Gon clutched his hair and stared at the cracked ceiling. “Didn’t you have morals? Weren’t you some guy who had dignity up his sleeve? And now… NOW YOU’RE WORKING WITH HEARTLESS PEOPLE AND… AND KILLING INNOCENT FOLKS FOR NO REASON!”

Kurapika just stared at Gon who was hyperventilating. When he didn’t receive any reaction from the blonde, he started sputtering shit of  _ whys _ and  _ hows _ . Remaining like this for ten minutes, Gon finally simmered down after he drained all of his energy over kicking things and screaming at Kurapika. Slumping down on his knees, he started panting and wiping the dried and fresh tears that stained his face. Kurapika was still sitting on the couch, watching Gon with guilt. “Why…  _ Why _ would you- would y-you work f-for  _ them _ .” Kurapika finally let out a rigid sigh. 

“As you already said. I have…  _ morals and dignity _ .” Gon stared at Kurapika who  _ finally _ took the hint to start talking. “But that doesn’t mean my dignity and morals can beat my drive for revenge.”

Gon shifted into a comfortable position, sensing a long story ahead.  _ Maybe Kurapika does have a reason _ , he thought. Kurapika smiled a little, thankful that Gon’s blind rage didn’t completely shadow his understanding character. 

“Kurta, a family-founded organization with a well-known power over the Phantom Troupe. This power to quell them had its pros and cons. One con was… the  _ envy _ and  _ hatred _ from them. The Spiders lashed out, and assassinated  _ all _ the Kurtas. Or what they thought to be all of them.” He paused. He wanted to finish this quickly, he didn’t like talking about himself “They always knew how to quell the Spiders' work which led the latter to lash out on us, murdering every single person without a blink of an eye.” The blonde shifted as if he was recalling a memory, a twitch of his eye forced its way after it found a little weakness within him. “I’ve done a lot of research. It was enough to give me a headache, but I  _ couldn't  _ stop until I finally had a grasp over the information. Information about the rivalry between the the both of us and the assassination.” 

Not even daring to glance at Gon, still afraid of judgement, he just raised his head back to focus on the ceiling. “That was the day where I gave an oath of revenge, I had decided to attack them from the inside. To do that, I had to work with them, to  _ be _ one of them.” His eyes twitched again so he closed them in an attempt to calm his nerves. “Working with them would give me enough information about what I would have to do, and that’s… that’s why I joined.”

After taking out all of what that weighed on him for years, he paused. He rethought his decision of telling Gon about this but then went ahead and added a little information that would mean a lot to the sincere and pure teenager before him. “I tried my best to not be included in any of the assassinations. If they refused, I aimed for a role that had nothing to do with killing the target.” He finally dared to glance at Gon who didn’t move nor flinch since Kurapika started his story. They stared into each other’s eyes knowingly until Kurapika had the guts to finish what he started. “I tried my best to convince them that Mito is a good person. That she was harmless and a kind woman, but… but they brushed me off, saying that she might risk their business because of how much she knew about them. I want to assure you that I excluded myself from this operation completely. I had nothing to do with it and never even thought about being involved.” 

“Do you know about what Mito knew?” He whispered, his tone held a little hope but Kurapika furrowed his eyebrows in worry. 

“I do.”

“I want to know.”

“They  _ will  _ come after you. I—”

“I don’t care. Please… it’s what caused Mito’s suffering. You know how much this means to me.  _ Please _ , Kurapika!” 

“I’m trying to protect you! You don’t even _ know _ their brutality and ruthlessness, but I  _ do _ and… and I promised myself to protect you for Mito, it’s the least I can do… the both of you didn’t deserve this, so please.  _ Don’t _ go digging into this. It’s much bigger than you think.”

Frowning stubbornly, Gon stood up and stared down at Kurapika who was eyeing him with a worn-out look. “You know how I feel, Kurapika. We’re the same now. We both had something taken away from us… we both want revenge. You know I need this.” 

“ _ No _ , you don’t. I don’t want to drag you down the same path as me. You won’t be able to handle it, Gon.” Kurapika took a glance at Gon’s determined face. He tried reasoning with him by telling Gon the risks, how Kurapika might have to turn on him because he can’t blow his cover just yet, but Gon was still being the adamant idiot he was. 

“...Alright, but don’t blame me for what you’re going to face from now on, got it? You are crossing and going to a dead end, Gon. That’s my warning to you. You are  _ quite _ literally walking into the shadows of underground life.” 

“I know,” Gon smiles, but it comes out more psychotic because of the red tinted in his eyes. His irises were dancing angrily whilst staring directly into Kurapika’s soul. “And I’m ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont really like how this one came out. i cant write angry Gon I JUST LOVE HIM AS A CUTE HAPPY BOI but well yea this was hard to write


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well! the last chapter to this  
> yes, the ending is rushed but well... i dont really know how to fix that _sighs_  
>  tell me what your thoughts are on this!

Kurapika stared at Gon before patting the space next to him. Gon finally sat back on the couch and listened. “Did you ever meet your dad? Did Mito ever tell you what he did?” Gon’s eyes widened at the abrupt question. He thought it was random, but Kurapika’s stern and serious eyes signaled he was absolutely  _ not _ fooling around. Gon shook his head slowly, confusingly, and gave Kurapika a questioning look. Kurapika expected this reaction so he let out a little audible sigh before focusing his sight on the shattered table before him, the result of Gon’s anger.

“Ging, your dad, had ties with the FBI. The FBI are known as Hunters, as you probably know, because they more or less  _ hunt people down _ . People like the Spiders’. People who don’t belong. Those who were too hard for the police to face.” He stared at Gon’s baffled look. It quickly changed to an interested one; he always wanted to learn more about his dad, but no one was willing to bring the man up. If he ever brought it up to Mito, she would either brush him off or tell him that he left him behind and nothing more. “The phantom troupe was Ging’s case back then.” Gon’s eyes widened as he looked away, heart beating louder than it should as if he knew what Kurapika was going to say next. “They… they decided to murder him, right after  _ you _ were born.” 

Kurapika stared worriedly at Gon who inhaled sharply but didn’t reply. His knees grew weak despite the fact that he was sitting, and his nerves trembled as if waltzing in distortion. Although Gon’s expression didn’t indicate that he wanted Kurapika to continue, he knew that Gon was still waiting for the completion of the story. “We don’t know how you got to Mito, but granted that you are her biological nephew, Ging probably explained his situation to her and had her take care of you. Honestly, if that  _ is  _ what happened, it would have been the best for you. They would have killed you too if they found you with Ging.” He looked at Gon, who’s expression suddenly grew grave. “The Spiders found out about what Ging had told her… She had  _ all _ his research on them. She hid it quite well, from what I know they still couldn't find any digital or physical copy of it. So… they gave her the bug with the hopes that there  _ were no _ copies of it. That she just kept it all to herself.”

Gon was silent.

Kurapika expected him to yell at him again, but was even more surprised when Gon  _ hugged _ Kurapika.

“ _ Thank you _ , Kurapika.  _ Thank you so much _ . Everything makes so much more sense now- I… now that I know why she died, it makes my head much clearer.” He released Kurapika from his arms and continued, “The doctors said the bug was weird, it took  _ way too long _ . That itself hinted that someone must have implanted it in her. At least, that's what one of them had told me. I knew then that someone had hated Mito… and now… now that I know… now that I  _ know who did it _ … I feel much better. Now I can retaliate without regret.” He smiled at Kurapika. It was soft, and even then Kurapika shook his head. 

“I know I can’t convince you to stop. But I’m not letting you do this alone. I know I said I won’t blow my cover for you, I still won't, but I can pull a few strings.”

“Kurapika…”

“I have to go before I change my mind, but Gon please, don’t do anything too rash. Just… think about what Mito would want for you. That’s how I stopped myself from charging in.” He squeezed Gon’s shoulders and stood up. “Clean this place up too. I doubt Mito would appreciate this.” 

Gon laughed, and he smiled to himself.  _ It feels refreshing to laugh again. _ “See you, Kurapika.”

_____________________________________________________________________________

Many weeks had passed since their talk. The minute Kurapika got home, he dialed Palm’s number and told her what was happening. Killua, who was about to ask Kurapika for a new bed sheet, ended up snooping in on his conversation. 

“I’m coming too!” Killua opened the door quite forcefully. Kurapika startled, then glared at Killua. 

“Why were you listening?” Killua rolled his eyes.

“That’s not the point. I’m going to help that dolt.”

“Killua, this  _ doesn’t _ concern you.”

“ _ Yes, _ it does! Gon’s  _ my _ friend just as much as he is yours.” Killua glared at Kurapika, who looked bored but nonetheless sighed.

“I can see that you aren’t going to change your mind.”

“No. Gon’s an idiot that needs someone with a brain. He’s going to go berserk if he doesn’t have someone to hold him back.”

“...I don’t plan on stopping you, seeing as anything I say wouldn’t work anyway. But you still need to be aware of the fact that non matter who you have connections with, this is the  _ Phantom Troupe _ . You need to be extra careful with them.”

Kurapika shoots someone a text on his phone, then turns to Killua and continues, “I’m sending someone else with you. He’s a doctor, so if anything serious happens you at least have someone to treat wounds. Take his number.” Kurapika handed Killua a paper after scribbling down a number and name.

_ Leorio Paradinight _ , Killua read in his head,  _ what a weird name. Sounds like oreos. _ “Ok, so, care to give me the details?”

As Kurapika began to explain the tragedy that befell Mito, and his connections to the Phantom Troupe, Killua grew anxious. He figured that this Troupe might have been the notorious gang that kept his family away from Manhattan. Now he was walking  _ right into _ the very thing that scared even his annoying mother. 

His brain kept screeching, yelling at him to turn away and stay in the safe apartment he now called home.  _ They are stronger than you. You are safe here, away, away from danger. You need to stay alive _ echoed in Killua's head that night. But when his thoughts drift to Gon, Gon with the occasional,  _ genuine _ smile, he shakes the voices out.  _ This is for Gon. This is for someone I can help. Someone I didn’t fail yet. _

And when sleep finally claims him, he dreams of nothing.

______________________________________________________________________________

Gon woke up. He glanced at the clock by his bed that read  **8:23 AM** and begrudgingly carried himself off his feet. He glared down at the texts that appeared when he unlocked his phone.

He didn’t want people meddling in his business.

He didn’t want to get dragged down, to be prevented from any rage that might consume him. He wanted his revenge without any restraints.

Even if that meant in his own downfall.

Gon knew that the Phantom Troupe weren’t exactly the type that would just  _ let him in _ and  _ wreck the place _ . He knew that having people there to stop him from doing something rash was the obvious and correct solution. 

But a voice kept nagging at him, telling him he was a failure. 

_ Failures only fail those around them. _

He didn’t want to fail anyone. Not again.

Not after Kite.

He grit his teeth, taking deep breaths to stop the stinging that pinched at his eyes. He looked at himself in the mirror, staring at the messy hair, the bag under his eyes, the hair that started to grow on his face. He laughed inwardly.

_ I’m an idiot. _

______________________________________________________________________________

Leorio looked down at his watch. He tapped his foot impatiently, a scowl forming on his face.  _ That Killua brat is late! _

He texted Kurapika for the millionth time asking where the hell his friend was, but just before he could hit the send button a hand popped up in front of his face and waved furiously.

“Hey, old man, your name Leorio?” Leorio looked up in surprise, and was met with blue eyes on white _under_ white hair.

“I’m not an old man, you brat!” Killua snickered, but waved a hand dismissively and gestured to the Uber waiting for them. 

“We need to pick Gon up. His lazy ass is probably contemplating his life choices right about now.” Killua hopped into the white car, followed by Leorio who still grumbled quietly about children and disrespect. 

Once they reached Gon’s house, Killua walked up and rang the doorbell a few times before Gon came out with eager eyes and a determined aura. He all but  _ leapt _ down the flight of stairs, making Killua laugh, and for a minute, it was as if everything were normal and they weren’t just about to infiltrate the most dangerous place on the planet.

They took the Uber to a shop closest to their destination, not wanting to attract any unwanted attention. 

With grim expressions, they finally set out to the base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... dont know when i can post the sequel..? I'm currently working on the work i had deleted, previously titled More Than Just Friends, pretty sure its going to be the first chaptered story that i will post. Im still thinking on a name for it haha. Its a Neko! Killua fic and its mostly going to be exploring gon and killua's friendship with each other.  
> and well uhm, im still working on like, 3 different works that i deleted and promised to re-post after this, so it might be a long while... i dont want to add it to the pile knowing ill be stressing over them and not putting my all in it. I also wanted to ask, for the people willing, if theres anything you'd like to see in my writing, or something you like in general, please tell me? i find that my style is a little bland and im trying to like... bring it up a notch, if that makes sense. i would really appreciate and sort of tips that you think would help!  
> sorry for dumping all of that on you, i just really want to become better at writing, yanno?  
> thank you so much for reading this far!
> 
> Edit: 8/12/2020  
> I made a discord server!! dont expect much from it yet, im really not that good with bots and idk how to make the automatic roles and whatnot, so for now ill be adding that manually.   
> https://discord.gg/AUBWQgg

**Author's Note:**

> Well there ya go. If you found it interesting, or funny, or just downright stupid, don’t hesitate to tell me xD.


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